Accountability as a Founder: Learning to Lead From Within

I was sitting in thought while feeling very alone with all the tasks that I had to finish for the business and our clients, and I started to go into deep introspection about why I feel like such a large weight is hanging over my shoulders from carrying my own business and my clients dreams.

There was a lot to do. There always seems to be a lot to do when you’re a Founder.

There are the things people see, the deadlines, the emails, the projects, the clients, the team, the decisions that need to be made, the ideas that need to be brought to life. And then there are all the things that nobody really sees. The emotional responsibility. The vision. The pressure of knowing that people are relying on you. The constant thinking about what comes next and whether you’re making the right decisions.

The feelings that were coming up felt like I wanted to give up because I felt like I had very little support but so much responsibility, and it made me stop in my tracks as to why this was coming up.

Because I’ve done this before.

Previously, I would overextend myself, but this time I didn’t. This time, I was working within my capacity and flow. However, I pushed myself a little harder yesterday than most days, but I ended up treating myself to some self-care afterwards so that I still felt taken care of, so I felt quite balanced. I looked after the business, our projects, my personal responsibilities and myself as well.

So yesterday was wholesome. 

So why did I still feel these feelings when I started my day today?

Well, let’s go there together…

I’m actually quite grateful that I can share my process of healing as a Founder with you because perhaps this would inspire you to pay attention to what’s showing up for you too. Because sometimes I think we are so quick to move away from what we are feeling. 

I think one of the main traits I am breaking personally is passing on blame or holding onto victimhood.

It’s so easy for me to blame others for my circumstances because that’s generally how society has programmed us to think — think separation, not unity in understanding that we are all in control of how we respond to what’s happening to us. But I chose to lean deeper into why this was coming up for me after all the work I put into ensuring that I take full accountability for where the business is at, how far we’ve come, but most importantly, the next steps of the business. And if there are any challenges along the way, which there will be, then I will take accountability for that too and steer it in the right direction accordingly.

And I don’t mean that we should pretend that other people don’t have an impact on us. Of course they do. People make choices. People disappoint us. People don’t always communicate well. People can let us down.

But there is a point where we have to come back to ourselves and ask: What is mine to take responsibility for here?

That is part of being a Founder.

It’s not about knowing everything.

It’s not about getting everything right.

It’s not even about never experiencing fear, overwhelm or uncertainty. 

For me, accountability is about being willing to look at what is happening and ask, what is this here to teach me?

Firstly, I’ve become used to the fact that my sensitivity, my ability to be vulnerable easily, including how deeply I feel emotions, is my creativity strategy coming into play. This has been a really interesting thing for me to learn about myself. Before, I used to feel it and act on it immediately to try to change it, but then I’m leaking my energy and my most important creative power.

Until I started to see a pattern…

Before a really good idea or a creative piece that I’m called to release, I feel ALL the feels. I feel a consciousness that I am resonating with, but also probably what others are feeling too, even if they have not communicated it to me yet. It’s like I tap into a field through my heart. This is the best way to describe the way I intuitively work with what I’m feeling and alchemising, but most importantly, what might be coming up in the collective.

So now I allow it to enter… instead of pushing it down and ignoring my feelings, which later turns into resentment.

I trust my feelings and emotions to lead me to where they would like to take me. And this is where I started to understand that perhaps my emotions aren’t always something that need to be fixed, most of the time it’s information. And this has changed so much for me. Because there is a difference between being controlled by your emotions and allowing yourself to feel your emotions. There is also a difference between allowing something to consume you and allowing it to move through you so that you can understand what it is here to create.

So, this is step one of the creative process that I’m sharing with you…FEEL.

Learn to feel again, no matter how difficult it is to face those truths. Eventually, you’ll begin to trust that it will lead you to something creative that needs to flow from you.

Let it be your catalyst.

And I think this is what’s also missing in society. We are a society struggling to keep our emotions down, so we’re reacting from them and pushing them onto others because we aren’t equipped enough to learn how to process emotions and redirect the energy to a creative force that is where our passion and purpose lies.

And I’m not saying this means we simply feel something and then ignore what other people have done. We are not bypassing holding people accountable too. This is important.

But this time, instead of assumptions and resentment that can break the relationships with our team or clients, or even bring the business down, it is now communicated from a sovereign place, and the next creative step is revealed to you.

For me, that is the difference.

Secondly, as founders, you manage not only the direction, but the energetic flow and alignment of the business. If you are allowing people you actually don’t resonate with into your business, you’ll have problems showing up that are either perceived as financial issues, creative roadblocks, and people who just show up to do the job and don’t really love what they do or are connected to the heart of the business. That being said, you have the power and freedom to make decisions for the business, so we cannot blame others for where we’re at and what’s happening to the business.

Shift internally.

Take accountability.

And feel into the next aligned step.

We have too many founders blaming things outside of them for the state of the business. This is a challenge that has come up for you as the founder to alchemise. Allow yourself to be taught by the business so that you see clearly and can lead others from a deeper place. This is where accountability becomes really important. Because if I say that I am the Founder, that I am leading this vision and that this is my creation, then I also have to be willing to look at the parts that aren’t working.

And I understand why Founders are shifting blame sometimes. It is hard.

There are economic circumstances. There are difficult clients. There are difficult team dynamics. There are unexpected things that happen. There are moments where things genuinely feel completely outside of our control. But this is a challenge that has come up for you as the Founder to alchemise. Allow yourself to be taught by the business so that you see clearly and can lead others from a deeper place.

Thirdly, here we are together, experiencing the creation of emotions that was my catalyst.

Learn these things about yourself. Spot patterns and lean into your creative process.

Allow yourself to go there…Don’t be afraid of what you might find.

It will only be so rewarding and probably your most valuable and impactful work in the end.

So, now that I’ve worked through that with you, I hope you enjoy these deep introspective moments as much as I do…Because I hope this brings us closer in collaboration together in future, so that we can build something meaningful for humanity that they can experience deeply and truthfully through these reflections.

Let me know if this speaks to you and what has come up for you. I’d love to hear from you.

Sharing my truth, to lead you to yours.

Saskia Riley